Darkest dungeon steam12/24/2022 I don’t know, I’m American, I have to earn the right to heal broken bones, they don’t just serve us casts on a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ silver platter. In other words, it’s more or less like being in college in Canada or whatever country has free healthcare, but a stressful university environment. Health is just health, it restores completely when you get back to town. Try to kill tons-of-fun before he uses Rain of Whips and stresses out the poor little adventurers. These clowns will pepper Reynauld and Dismas with shots and stress in between circle-jerkin’ and trying to convince everyone around them that “it’s not gay if you don’t make eye-contact.” Or don’t, see if I care.Īfterwards you’ve got to deal with some fat guy who’s into whips and ♥♥♥♥, and his gun-toting, banjo-playing, butt-touching cousin. There should also be a tutorial tent or some object up ahead that you can search and get some extra 200 gold. It sounds like a lot, but don’t worry it will only cover the cheapest form of stress relief, you’ll be back to nothing in no time. Whatever, he dies eventually if you hit him enough. OR HE CAN NEARLY KILL DISMAS IN ONE HIT, WHY? On the way there you’ll have one “random” encounter with some lost idiot who should go down pretty easily… Should just be the room you start in, a short hallway, and then the “final” room. Why is Reynauld always stealing ♥♥♥♥? And why is Dismas so bad in a clutch? Jerks I tell you. I hope yours are different because mine are just like, the most entitled pricks I’ve ever met. So Reynauld and Dismas are the first adventurers you get, or at least they’ve consistently been the first adventurers I get. You show up on this cart that is going way over the speed-limit and ends up crashing (wear your seatbelts kids!) stranding you in the woods with Reynauld and Dismas, the two biggest jerks this side of wherever-the-hell-we-are.Įverything will be totally fine… Babies First Encounter with Bloodthirsty Brigands and Forest-Dwelling Murderers So this decrepit old loser who got kicked out of his own party came crying your way all like “Nobody likes me” and “the cool kids are mean to me and have tentacles” so now it’s your problem I guess. Now they’ve thrown a party all up in your house and, despite your uncle calling the cops pretending to be the neighbor making a noise complaint, everyone found out it was him and kicked him out of his own house and then just kind of took over that ♥♥♥♥. Darkest Dungeon is a game about your creepy uncle using forbidden magic to make his weird fetishes come to life using books like a nerd. DON’T FRET! I’m here to help.Ī little preface before we begin. You’re honestly worried that you’re missing out on the full experience. Your adventurers are staying stalwart and brave and they’re not all dying or screaming at each other. So, You’ve bought Darkest Dungeon and you’re afraid you’re doing too well. And I love the comment notifications from this thing, they make me feel pretty, keep doing that. If you choose to read on and laugh at my bad jokes on an old version of an old game, I appreciate you too. Anyway, I appreciate everyone and their kind words. But if it disappears one day, I totally understand. I’m happy to let it sit here as the anomaly that gets to slip by and make some people chuckle for as long as whoever is in charge of judging and deleting this content lets it sit. I’d take it down, but enough people still appreciate the joke for me to not want to do that. I wish I had posted this to the forums or something more appropriate so it wouldn’t clutter up actual guides on steam. Not that five years later it’d have a 4-star rating on the second page of “top rated guides all time” and that people would still stumble on it and give me the occasional notification via comments. I didn’t know how Steam guides worked, I still kinda don’t, I guess I just assumed this would fade into obscurity and nobody would ever see it. A Step-by-Step Guide on how to Screw Everything Up!(but is honestly just a joke.) For the RecordĢ020 Edit – I wrote this “guide” five years ago when I was reading a lot of Cracked and tried to model it after one of their articles.
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